so kyra's post really made me think. back when i used to blog over at xanga, and keep up with it alot more intentionally, i closed many blogs by saying '...may you find joy in face of day to day living...' i wish i lived into those words far better than i do.
there are many beautiful things in these days, but this is also a bizarre age to be. so many girls my age are getting married and having babies and buying homes, and being far more adult than i am. some days, that's frustrating. i'm in my parents basement, the only thing of value i own is a car, i can't seem to figure out dating, let alone fathom a relationship that will lead to marriage. and there are ZERO babies on my horizon for a long while to come. largely to do with the inability to even fathom marriage... haha. i can barely afford my car payments most month, let alone even consider a home. i feel like maybe i'm still stuck in my teenage years, like i should be more 'mature' than i am. and then i realize how much i cherish these days. i love the freedom to pick up and go wherever i want, whenever i want. i love that i can embrace these 'gypsy feet' that lead me hither and tither. i've met alot of great people this year in edmonton, and i'm enjoying building relationships with them. i love my church, and i'm enjoying school. these are good days, and i need to remember that more. i can't just live for tomorrow, and as a Disciple, i ought'n't live for tomorrow. i need to be living in these moments, living as I believe Jesus is calling me to live, to embrace my situation and circumstance and seek the ways that i can love and live and learn and laugh in each moment.
i do love these days, and i'm mostly denying myself a bounty of joy when i long for the days still to come. a healthy perspective of future is good, but living for the future is not. this is a good life stage. 22 is an age which i am greatly enjoying. my family is well and full of laughter. my friends are wonderful souls that are ever causing me to love them more. these are good days. and i want to look back on them fondly, knowing that i lived them the best i could, and gave to them all that i could. i can't ask more of myself than that.
so this is most likely incoherent, but it's what's floating 'round my head tonight, so since i'm procrastinating, you get to hear about it! lucky you...
Friday, March 7, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
and i'm off...
free from school for a week, i'm off to winnipeg, and points in between, for the next 5 days, then home to assist with leading the annual excursion from Strathmore to Edmonton that Hope Community Covenant takes around a hundred and some youth on, so that should be a solid 3 day experience of exhaustion following my Winnipeg adventure!
Manitoba is calling my name, and i'm eager to behold her beauty once again...
Manitoba is calling my name, and i'm eager to behold her beauty once again...
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The Widman Family
Okay, having read this message on Bret's facebook, I find posting twice in one day quite acceptable... and the some. Anyways, here are Bret's words:
This past 6 days have been intense. We took Madeline in for a CT scan after she had been hit on the temple as a result of a Wii competition. Well, she got a bump that continued to swell for 4 weeks. The result showed a crack in her skull and we were told, "Take these CT results, pick up your girl, and get to an ER and ask for a neurosurgeon. That was last Wednesday. Well, after MRI's, bone xrays, and surgery, we have discovered that Madeline has something she was born with called histiosytosis. I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but whatever. Anyway, it's more rare than leukimia, but not life threatening. She had surgery and now has a nasty 6 inch long scar on her left side...we haven't counted the stitches yet. She will now need some treatment after this surgery and some chemo pills (easy ones, no serious stuff). Please, pray that the final outcome of all this is that Madeline is fine. The test results are good and the oncologist was elated the news was good. We just got this news an hour ago and are finally home after being in the hospital for 5 days. We're wiped out, have no energy, and are fairly numb. When she was wheeled into surgery, we felt our life sucked out of us. Please pass this on to others that know us. Pray for complete recovery and that the treatment she receives will be all she needs. Thanks
This past 6 days have been intense. We took Madeline in for a CT scan after she had been hit on the temple as a result of a Wii competition. Well, she got a bump that continued to swell for 4 weeks. The result showed a crack in her skull and we were told, "Take these CT results, pick up your girl, and get to an ER and ask for a neurosurgeon. That was last Wednesday. Well, after MRI's, bone xrays, and surgery, we have discovered that Madeline has something she was born with called histiosytosis. I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but whatever. Anyway, it's more rare than leukimia, but not life threatening. She had surgery and now has a nasty 6 inch long scar on her left side...we haven't counted the stitches yet. She will now need some treatment after this surgery and some chemo pills (easy ones, no serious stuff). Please, pray that the final outcome of all this is that Madeline is fine. The test results are good and the oncologist was elated the news was good. We just got this news an hour ago and are finally home after being in the hospital for 5 days. We're wiped out, have no energy, and are fairly numb. When she was wheeled into surgery, we felt our life sucked out of us. Please pass this on to others that know us. Pray for complete recovery and that the treatment she receives will be all she needs. Thanks
more random
i love that we all lead such varied lives, that we are all so unique, and yet that God can bind us together for his purpose and create beautiful community amongst us. this has always astounded me. perhaps it's because i'm slightly more 'weird' than many in the traditional evangelical circles i grew up in, perhaps it's because i worked at camp where i felt free to ask my questions and engage in theological debate from my early teenage years. whatever the combination of things that has lead me to where i stand today may be, i am incredibly greatful for it. just as i am ever so greatful for the people who have influenced my life this far, for better or for worse, they have helped to define the woman that i am becoming, and whom i am confident being.
i don't understand why people abuse emergency services. is it because we lack human contact so deeply that we must call for an ambulance in the middle of the night so that someone will take care of us? obviously, if you're sick or injured, it's legit, but wow, some of the reasons i have learned of people calling an ambulance are astounding to me. yet alongside of that, i have heard some of the most moving, some of the most graphic, some of the most beautiful, some of the most horrific; stories of mylife in the past month. i cannot fathom working in the emergency services, i could cry just hearing the stories, i can't imagine walking thru them with the actual people. so demanding, yet so rewarding. i have a renewed respect and admiration for all doctors and nurses and police officers and fire fighters and paramedics and whomever else...
i'll be in winnipeg sometime on the 16th, and since 80% of you who read this are in winnipeg, save a hug and a beer/dance/coffee/bowling game/sporting event for me.
i have other, deeper, posts formulating in my head, always, but for today, they'll remain where they are, and stir 'round some more. perhaps they'll bring me back here later, and i'll share some of them with you.
i don't understand why people abuse emergency services. is it because we lack human contact so deeply that we must call for an ambulance in the middle of the night so that someone will take care of us? obviously, if you're sick or injured, it's legit, but wow, some of the reasons i have learned of people calling an ambulance are astounding to me. yet alongside of that, i have heard some of the most moving, some of the most graphic, some of the most beautiful, some of the most horrific; stories of mylife in the past month. i cannot fathom working in the emergency services, i could cry just hearing the stories, i can't imagine walking thru them with the actual people. so demanding, yet so rewarding. i have a renewed respect and admiration for all doctors and nurses and police officers and fire fighters and paramedics and whomever else...
i'll be in winnipeg sometime on the 16th, and since 80% of you who read this are in winnipeg, save a hug and a beer/dance/coffee/bowling game/sporting event for me.
i have other, deeper, posts formulating in my head, always, but for today, they'll remain where they are, and stir 'round some more. perhaps they'll bring me back here later, and i'll share some of them with you.
Monday, January 21, 2008
somedays
sometimes i move too fast. sometimes i move to slow. sometimes i don't move at all.
life is bizarre, isn't it? we are so odd, running here and there, doing this and that, eating and sleeping, laughing and crying. living.
i continually find myself surprised with... me.
it's an odd place to be. 22. in my parents basement. going to school. working. dating. experiencing life. with facebook to fill everyone in on my day-today-exploits. oy vey.
but it's good too. i'm enjoying life. i'm living and learning much. i laugh often.
who knew i'd come back to alberta and go on more dates in 8 months than i did in 21 years? yeesh. but it's always leading somewhere. and where i'm settled now is a good place. it's a new place, a funny place, with lots of questions and uncertainties. but, once its on facebook there's no taking it back. it's good, just fast, and now slow, which would have been a smarter starting speed, but as i said, i'm ever learning and living. and as all things are, dating is an extention of that fact. he is good, and brings many smiles to my days, and keeps me sane. and is meeting my parents on tuesday.
school is good. i laugh, because, as shauna has found, i love accounting class. who knew?!?! the girls i'm closest to at school and i are all together again this semester, so that's enjoyable.
family is rewarding, thru whatever each day brings, it's rewarding. i'll be an auntie again in a month! truly exciting.
music is beauty. winter is wondrous. i love my farm adventures as much as, and some days more than, ever. life is good. God is good. there is much joy to be found in the face of day to day living. much learning to be had in the presence of a child. much grace to be seen in the eyes of a friend. and love abundant in those around me. i am blessed.
good thing, because when i was 18 i had 'one who is blessed' tattooed, in hebrew, on my body.
life is bizarre, isn't it? we are so odd, running here and there, doing this and that, eating and sleeping, laughing and crying. living.
i continually find myself surprised with... me.
it's an odd place to be. 22. in my parents basement. going to school. working. dating. experiencing life. with facebook to fill everyone in on my day-today-exploits. oy vey.
but it's good too. i'm enjoying life. i'm living and learning much. i laugh often.
who knew i'd come back to alberta and go on more dates in 8 months than i did in 21 years? yeesh. but it's always leading somewhere. and where i'm settled now is a good place. it's a new place, a funny place, with lots of questions and uncertainties. but, once its on facebook there's no taking it back. it's good, just fast, and now slow, which would have been a smarter starting speed, but as i said, i'm ever learning and living. and as all things are, dating is an extention of that fact. he is good, and brings many smiles to my days, and keeps me sane. and is meeting my parents on tuesday.
school is good. i laugh, because, as shauna has found, i love accounting class. who knew?!?! the girls i'm closest to at school and i are all together again this semester, so that's enjoyable.
family is rewarding, thru whatever each day brings, it's rewarding. i'll be an auntie again in a month! truly exciting.
music is beauty. winter is wondrous. i love my farm adventures as much as, and some days more than, ever. life is good. God is good. there is much joy to be found in the face of day to day living. much learning to be had in the presence of a child. much grace to be seen in the eyes of a friend. and love abundant in those around me. i am blessed.
good thing, because when i was 18 i had 'one who is blessed' tattooed, in hebrew, on my body.
Monday, January 7, 2008
School
I'm just sitting here, taking a few last moments of freedom before i once again become engulfed in the world of higher education. 2.5 weeks was a short break, it seems. It was a good break, and many, wonderful times were had.
It's unfortunate that at this point, school is more of a means to an end than it is anything else, in my life. That makes it difficult to drag my butt to school 5 days a weeks, and to sit in the classroom and actually engage in what is going on around me. Unless what's going on around me is side conversation! ha. So, this semester, I hope to become more excited about school as a process, and not just getting it over with. I want to also enjoy this moment, not just let it pass by without taking the time to appreciate it.
The Canadian girl in me is rejoicing. Canada won the world juniors. And I'm learning hockey! I've picked up the hockey skates this winter, after having been on figure skates since I could walk, and I haven't fallen once! and last night my friend scott to me out to an outdoor rink in spruce and we passed a puck around and shot and i learned some defence. It's pretty rad. I'm pretty excited. I need to find hockey gloves that fit, because holding the stick is awkward when the fingers on the gloves are a solid inch longer than your own fingers. Eventually, I'm sure I will fall, but it was good times, and we are going again tonight! Dude, hockey is sweet.
It's unfortunate that at this point, school is more of a means to an end than it is anything else, in my life. That makes it difficult to drag my butt to school 5 days a weeks, and to sit in the classroom and actually engage in what is going on around me. Unless what's going on around me is side conversation! ha. So, this semester, I hope to become more excited about school as a process, and not just getting it over with. I want to also enjoy this moment, not just let it pass by without taking the time to appreciate it.
The Canadian girl in me is rejoicing. Canada won the world juniors. And I'm learning hockey! I've picked up the hockey skates this winter, after having been on figure skates since I could walk, and I haven't fallen once! and last night my friend scott to me out to an outdoor rink in spruce and we passed a puck around and shot and i learned some defence. It's pretty rad. I'm pretty excited. I need to find hockey gloves that fit, because holding the stick is awkward when the fingers on the gloves are a solid inch longer than your own fingers. Eventually, I'm sure I will fall, but it was good times, and we are going again tonight! Dude, hockey is sweet.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
A Swift Kick to the Shins
A friend recently said "i think i'm quite destined to be a spinster" and my immediate response was "believe me, i would rather have zero boy drama in my life than frustrating, ridiculous boy drama."
the more i think about that, the more true it becomes. i remember being 'single and then some' (thanks gav). and i didn't so much mind that, most of the time.
my return to alberta has been shrouded in boy drama from the outset, in many varied, and ridiculous forms. and the drama is wearying. it makes me not want to put myself out there anymore. after a while, first dates get monotonous, and all you want is a second date. to meet someone you actually want to get to know. and then that happens. and then the boy turns out to have insane commitment issues and disappears off the face off the earth after 3 months. good times.
i'm not angry. i'd rather know 3 months in than a year in. but so now, 3 weeks after the end of that. i'm back in the first date world. and, truth be told, its not all its cracked up to be. i truly cannot in good conscience turn down a genuine date offer, from someone that is putting themself out there to ask me, and i don't think its fair that i do, without good reason. and so i go, but generally find that although the conversation may be enjoyable, that i'm not interested in that second date.
to everything there is a season. you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince. yada yada yada. i wish i found comfort in cliches, but i do not. what i do derive strength from is that the cliches are there because many girls have been where i am now, and have eventually found their way thru.
i guess there's not much of a point to this. but it's what's on my mind most these days. and its the holidays, which means many conversations with those who you don't see too often, and lots of 'so... any men in your life' questions. not my favorite question to answer, i'll tell you that. haha. but that's how she goes this day.
i'm ever so very glad for good guy friends in my life. especially ones that ask if i want them to go hunt down the disappearing-off-the-face-of-the-earth-boy and teach him a lesson. and the ones that talk to me when i need to hear a boys perspective and give really really really good hugs. somedays, you just really need a good boy hug, and it changes the whole course of your day.
i'm sure its just as frustrating to be a boy in the dating game. i wish our society embraced honesty, and that we could all just be vulnerable and open, and safe in doing so. but that's not how it is. and at 22, i'm not jaded enough to stop putting myself out there. plus, i like meeting new people and making new friends, if nothing else. but i'm ever so very glad for the friends i do have!
the more i think about that, the more true it becomes. i remember being 'single and then some' (thanks gav). and i didn't so much mind that, most of the time.
my return to alberta has been shrouded in boy drama from the outset, in many varied, and ridiculous forms. and the drama is wearying. it makes me not want to put myself out there anymore. after a while, first dates get monotonous, and all you want is a second date. to meet someone you actually want to get to know. and then that happens. and then the boy turns out to have insane commitment issues and disappears off the face off the earth after 3 months. good times.
i'm not angry. i'd rather know 3 months in than a year in. but so now, 3 weeks after the end of that. i'm back in the first date world. and, truth be told, its not all its cracked up to be. i truly cannot in good conscience turn down a genuine date offer, from someone that is putting themself out there to ask me, and i don't think its fair that i do, without good reason. and so i go, but generally find that although the conversation may be enjoyable, that i'm not interested in that second date.
to everything there is a season. you have to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince. yada yada yada. i wish i found comfort in cliches, but i do not. what i do derive strength from is that the cliches are there because many girls have been where i am now, and have eventually found their way thru.
i guess there's not much of a point to this. but it's what's on my mind most these days. and its the holidays, which means many conversations with those who you don't see too often, and lots of 'so... any men in your life' questions. not my favorite question to answer, i'll tell you that. haha. but that's how she goes this day.
i'm ever so very glad for good guy friends in my life. especially ones that ask if i want them to go hunt down the disappearing-off-the-face-of-the-earth-boy and teach him a lesson. and the ones that talk to me when i need to hear a boys perspective and give really really really good hugs. somedays, you just really need a good boy hug, and it changes the whole course of your day.
i'm sure its just as frustrating to be a boy in the dating game. i wish our society embraced honesty, and that we could all just be vulnerable and open, and safe in doing so. but that's not how it is. and at 22, i'm not jaded enough to stop putting myself out there. plus, i like meeting new people and making new friends, if nothing else. but i'm ever so very glad for the friends i do have!
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