Sometimes I configure blog posts in my head only to remember I haven't blogged in ages and ages, and then I scrap those blogs even whilst they're only a twinkle in my eye because reviving a surely dead blog seems so very silly. Alas, the more I think I can (i think i can i think i can i think i can) the more that I think I should, and so here I am, breathing fresh words into an old blog.
A lot has changed since the last post, more than a year ago. But many things are still the same, and I guess that's just life. I'm a wife now, perhaps that's the biggest change of all. And I love marriage, seriously love it, more than I even ever thought that I would or could. I love sharing this life and this love with the man I'm so blessed to also count as my best friend. All my woes, much of which I languished over on this very blog, were for naught, because what was in store for me was better than I ever dreamed or hoped. Sometimes it's all so hard, priorities and wants, love and sacrifice, trust and respect, it doesn't always come naturally or without conflict but when it comes, or when challenges are resolved it's all so incredibly worth it.
We have a puppy, his name is Murphy. I always thought I 'hated little dogs'. Turns out, I still do, with the exception of one, thankfully that one is the one who lives under the same roof as me! He's an adorable fellow, with a pretty fantastic disposition, and although I fear I may jinx myself, he seems to be catching onto this potty training thing fairly well. For which both my carpets and I are incredibly thankful.
And that seems like a good enough first blog back. Good Night, internets.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Suzy Homemaker
I am slowly re-aquiring an affinity for making and crafting things by my own hand. Last night I baked my first pie in years, and I loved it. Perhaps I could have added more cornstarch to thicken things up, but it was a delight.
It seems that sometimes making a hard decision, but one that truly needs to be made, is worth it for many reasons, including a return to things that make me who I am. Like baking, for instance, I love to bake! I love the textures and the smells and the tastes, the learning from failure, the discovering of new recipes, the joy in success, and the sharing of success with others. I like who I am when I am baking, throwing on good music, singing along, and knowing that someone I love will get to enjoy the finished product with me. There's beauty in that.
Tonight is Kris' first night on the bench for the U of A men's hockey team, and I'm off to spectate. I'll be a total loner too, but I'm so excited for him, even tho I'm probably more nervous than he is! Not that he won't be great, he will be, but I also hope the first few games are easy on him, so that he can get into the groove of things. His first practice involved a major wrist laceration, i'm hoping that's the worst that this year brings. Blood grosses me out. So do cadaver labs... and the smell of them that lingers after a long day in lab. Sick.
Moving on... I am very much looking forward to the final wedding of the summer on Saturday. Pretty sure it's the first camp wedding of my era, which makes it all the more exciting. Camp folks = Love. We'll be short on the k.blackwood front, which is a cryin' shame, but it will be a grand time.
Off to watch Canucks rookies and U of A hockey, should be interesting.
It seems that sometimes making a hard decision, but one that truly needs to be made, is worth it for many reasons, including a return to things that make me who I am. Like baking, for instance, I love to bake! I love the textures and the smells and the tastes, the learning from failure, the discovering of new recipes, the joy in success, and the sharing of success with others. I like who I am when I am baking, throwing on good music, singing along, and knowing that someone I love will get to enjoy the finished product with me. There's beauty in that.
Tonight is Kris' first night on the bench for the U of A men's hockey team, and I'm off to spectate. I'll be a total loner too, but I'm so excited for him, even tho I'm probably more nervous than he is! Not that he won't be great, he will be, but I also hope the first few games are easy on him, so that he can get into the groove of things. His first practice involved a major wrist laceration, i'm hoping that's the worst that this year brings. Blood grosses me out. So do cadaver labs... and the smell of them that lingers after a long day in lab. Sick.
Moving on... I am very much looking forward to the final wedding of the summer on Saturday. Pretty sure it's the first camp wedding of my era, which makes it all the more exciting. Camp folks = Love. We'll be short on the k.blackwood front, which is a cryin' shame, but it will be a grand time.
Off to watch Canucks rookies and U of A hockey, should be interesting.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
So Life, and such
I quit my job. That makes me feel like a return to blogging, perhaps as a sign of a return to living life? I think so.
I also don't have a new job lined up. I'm just trusting, and positive, that anything would be better so I really can't lose.
Dentists have OCD, and I ought not work for people with sever OCD. I don't think saying 'Dentists' is an exaggeration, I'm pretty sure it's on the pre-req list for DentSchool Admission.
I found FGD at a little independent liquor store near my transfer bus location. This brings me great joy.
Planning a wedding is a lot of fun, and there are oh-so many websites with grand DIY ideas, which helps to have lots of fun and allows for many lovely details on a budget. Budgets are important.
I have lots to say, for sure. Lots of life is being lived, has been lived, will be lived. And i'm still the same, i've always got something to say.
For now this is a start. Please forgive the forthcoming indulgent wedding posts. I'll try to mediate them with posts of actual merit too.
I also don't have a new job lined up. I'm just trusting, and positive, that anything would be better so I really can't lose.
Dentists have OCD, and I ought not work for people with sever OCD. I don't think saying 'Dentists' is an exaggeration, I'm pretty sure it's on the pre-req list for DentSchool Admission.
I found FGD at a little independent liquor store near my transfer bus location. This brings me great joy.
Planning a wedding is a lot of fun, and there are oh-so many websites with grand DIY ideas, which helps to have lots of fun and allows for many lovely details on a budget. Budgets are important.
I have lots to say, for sure. Lots of life is being lived, has been lived, will be lived. And i'm still the same, i've always got something to say.
For now this is a start. Please forgive the forthcoming indulgent wedding posts. I'll try to mediate them with posts of actual merit too.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
nonsense.
My computer died right around Christmas, and thus I haven't much posted on here ever since. But, this afternoon seems as good a time as any to make a little diversion back into the blogosphere.
I don't have anything great to blog about, but I thought, for those who may stumble across this, I'd give a little update on my life, and see where the writing leads me.
Currently, I'm employed at a dental clinic, for far less $ than I was told I would make, and for far more hours than I was told I would work, but since I'm salary, its just more hours for lousy money, hahaha. It's lousy, but the hygenists are fantastic, so I keep on keeping on. I'm moving May 1st, but I don't have a place yet, although I did buy a brandnew queen mattress set for $413.00 today, so I'm very excited about that! Seriously, it was a sweet deal, and I like deals.
This is the first year I will ever have A/c and a sunroof, and let me tell you, I find this incredibly exciting to experience. Every time it's above 0 out there, I pop the sunroof and enjoy the air. It's lovely.
I really, really, really want a pet dog. So i'm crossing my fingers that this comes to fruition sooner rather than later. There's just something so much better about life when it's shared with a dog. That's just how it is.
One of my best friends just had her first baby, it's different even than when my older sisters had their babies, I feel so involved in little Ruby's life, and I love her incredibly already. We're already referred to as Uncle Kris and Auntie Katie, and I love it, I love that I can just go over and cuddle her while her mom is out feeding cows, or just sit and hear all about the things she's doing already, and catch up with her parents. I love that there are people my age with the desire of a family at the forefront, wanting to raise up good children in this world, raise them into good people, that excites me. I work with mostly women who don't want to have a family, who don't want to 'give anything up', and it depresses me, but when I see little Ruby, and her parents, I know that there are people like Kris and I out there, who desire to raise healthy children in a functional family, and it gives me hope for our future as a society. Perhaps this paragraph makes no sense, but it's something that's been on my mind lately in the staff room at work, when the other 5 women at the table are stating how they never plan on being mothers, and I'm sitting there feeling like the odd one out, yet strangely proud of who I am and my longing to be a mother one day.
I'm so blessed to have such great friends, and an incredible boyfriend. The relationships in my life are phenomenal, and I'm daily humbled by their impact on my life. I'm excited for the road that this love is leading me on, for the future and potential that's wrapped in every conversation, and in life in general. It's an exhilirating life stage to be situated in, on the cusp of the rest of your life, and I love standing in this place, just learning to love more and better every day. It's amazing, humbling and so very rewarding.
Life is good, perhaps my employment isn't all that I desire, but it's a steady job, and in that regard I'm better off than many. I'm excited for the future, and I'm living and loving and learning in each and every day, I can't complain, that's for sure.
So next time, maybe I'll write something of a bit more substance. And maybe not.
I don't have anything great to blog about, but I thought, for those who may stumble across this, I'd give a little update on my life, and see where the writing leads me.
Currently, I'm employed at a dental clinic, for far less $ than I was told I would make, and for far more hours than I was told I would work, but since I'm salary, its just more hours for lousy money, hahaha. It's lousy, but the hygenists are fantastic, so I keep on keeping on. I'm moving May 1st, but I don't have a place yet, although I did buy a brandnew queen mattress set for $413.00 today, so I'm very excited about that! Seriously, it was a sweet deal, and I like deals.
This is the first year I will ever have A/c and a sunroof, and let me tell you, I find this incredibly exciting to experience. Every time it's above 0 out there, I pop the sunroof and enjoy the air. It's lovely.
I really, really, really want a pet dog. So i'm crossing my fingers that this comes to fruition sooner rather than later. There's just something so much better about life when it's shared with a dog. That's just how it is.
One of my best friends just had her first baby, it's different even than when my older sisters had their babies, I feel so involved in little Ruby's life, and I love her incredibly already. We're already referred to as Uncle Kris and Auntie Katie, and I love it, I love that I can just go over and cuddle her while her mom is out feeding cows, or just sit and hear all about the things she's doing already, and catch up with her parents. I love that there are people my age with the desire of a family at the forefront, wanting to raise up good children in this world, raise them into good people, that excites me. I work with mostly women who don't want to have a family, who don't want to 'give anything up', and it depresses me, but when I see little Ruby, and her parents, I know that there are people like Kris and I out there, who desire to raise healthy children in a functional family, and it gives me hope for our future as a society. Perhaps this paragraph makes no sense, but it's something that's been on my mind lately in the staff room at work, when the other 5 women at the table are stating how they never plan on being mothers, and I'm sitting there feeling like the odd one out, yet strangely proud of who I am and my longing to be a mother one day.
I'm so blessed to have such great friends, and an incredible boyfriend. The relationships in my life are phenomenal, and I'm daily humbled by their impact on my life. I'm excited for the road that this love is leading me on, for the future and potential that's wrapped in every conversation, and in life in general. It's an exhilirating life stage to be situated in, on the cusp of the rest of your life, and I love standing in this place, just learning to love more and better every day. It's amazing, humbling and so very rewarding.
Life is good, perhaps my employment isn't all that I desire, but it's a steady job, and in that regard I'm better off than many. I'm excited for the future, and I'm living and loving and learning in each and every day, I can't complain, that's for sure.
So next time, maybe I'll write something of a bit more substance. And maybe not.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
it's Christmas time in the city.
this time of year is making me realize how much of myself falls short, and how little drive i have to really do a whole heck of a lot about it. i'm easily overwhelmed by how far i fall short of my delusional 'ideal woman', and so rather than figure out a more realistic 'ideal', and make life choices that direct me down that path, i tend to settle for lesser choices because they feel 'safe', which in the end isn't safe at all because there's little security in apathy ladden choices. i realize this sounds fairly over dramatic, and i don't mean all the time i'm walking around all 'woe is me, i'm bad at life', but i do long to be more, to do more, less and less i long to have more, which i think is a positive step. it's not that i dislike myself, generally, i think i'm an alright person, and i'm surrounded by phenomenal people in my life, on a variety of levels, but i still often feel that i fall quite short.
for example, i need sleep. i get sick when i lack sleep, i'd love to have more hours in a day to accomplish things, but if i with-hold sleep from myself for a few nights in a row, i'll quickly become too sick to function, and lose more productivity by getting sick than i would have by getting the sleep i need. this frustrates me, i'd rather have the time and not get sick, and i keep trying to convince myself i don't need 8 hours of sleep each night, but that always backfires.
and i'm atrocious at managing time, i continually underestimate the time needed to accomplish anything, which always sets me back, and i end up being obscenely late for things. i don't like being late, but it's become a habit that i can't seem to quite break free of.
and i don't want to become apathetic, but sometimes i'm overwhelmed by what i'm NOT and i forget to remember what i AM. and above all, what i am is loved. loved enough to make mis-steps, and mistakes in life, but to be encouraged to not drown in apathy, but to rather continue to pursue my own Pilgrim's Progress towards the Celestial City.
sometimes i just need a swift kick to the shins from life to make me remember that i am one among many, and that nothing i encounter in this life will be wholly unique to me, someone has walked this path before me. and i can overcome anything in this life, when i realize i can't overcome it alone, and when i'm willing to see what it is i need to overcome, and take the necessary steps to do so.
*************************************************************************************
i do so love Christmas. i love picking out gifts that i know people will enjoy/appreciate. i love the snow, the music, and the tastes. i love the trees in houses and the lights outside. i love the generosity of the season, and the excitement on children's faces. it's a great season, even when families are messy and in a time of financial turmoil, it's a beautiful season of hope, of love, of joy.
also, few things have ever made me love winter so much as satellite radio with a Christmas channel and heated seats to warm my tush when i get in the car. and it was such an easy, painfree trade, for even better mileage, a far more than fair buy out, and a sweet renogiation of payments over a shorter term, and a vehicle title in my own name. there are benefits to living in the only area to turn a profit in vehicle sales the last quarter.
anyways. this is my first update in over a month, and it's far too long, so i'll stop here.
ciao.
for example, i need sleep. i get sick when i lack sleep, i'd love to have more hours in a day to accomplish things, but if i with-hold sleep from myself for a few nights in a row, i'll quickly become too sick to function, and lose more productivity by getting sick than i would have by getting the sleep i need. this frustrates me, i'd rather have the time and not get sick, and i keep trying to convince myself i don't need 8 hours of sleep each night, but that always backfires.
and i'm atrocious at managing time, i continually underestimate the time needed to accomplish anything, which always sets me back, and i end up being obscenely late for things. i don't like being late, but it's become a habit that i can't seem to quite break free of.
and i don't want to become apathetic, but sometimes i'm overwhelmed by what i'm NOT and i forget to remember what i AM. and above all, what i am is loved. loved enough to make mis-steps, and mistakes in life, but to be encouraged to not drown in apathy, but to rather continue to pursue my own Pilgrim's Progress towards the Celestial City.
sometimes i just need a swift kick to the shins from life to make me remember that i am one among many, and that nothing i encounter in this life will be wholly unique to me, someone has walked this path before me. and i can overcome anything in this life, when i realize i can't overcome it alone, and when i'm willing to see what it is i need to overcome, and take the necessary steps to do so.
*************************************************************************************
i do so love Christmas. i love picking out gifts that i know people will enjoy/appreciate. i love the snow, the music, and the tastes. i love the trees in houses and the lights outside. i love the generosity of the season, and the excitement on children's faces. it's a great season, even when families are messy and in a time of financial turmoil, it's a beautiful season of hope, of love, of joy.
also, few things have ever made me love winter so much as satellite radio with a Christmas channel and heated seats to warm my tush when i get in the car. and it was such an easy, painfree trade, for even better mileage, a far more than fair buy out, and a sweet renogiation of payments over a shorter term, and a vehicle title in my own name. there are benefits to living in the only area to turn a profit in vehicle sales the last quarter.
anyways. this is my first update in over a month, and it's far too long, so i'll stop here.
ciao.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
slowdancing and poetry
there are many snapshots of life that i miss, that my heart craves to live out once again. hoisting a fgd at carlos, walking down portage just to feel the burn of the cold in my lungs and stopping at the fyxx on my way, working in a daycare with children whose smiles brought me such immense joy. sharing a home with 2 crazy flames fans, sharing a home with girls who loved gilmore girls and greys anatomy just as much as i. attending a church where i was welcome to step in and volunteer in any capacity i so desired, small group with bruce, and occasionally the letkemans too. working at camp all summer, making italian sodas at the eco, eating fried food from street vendors in ecuador, holding babies in an orphanage, meeting infants in their first days outside of the womb. witnessing the weddings of dear friends, 8 months of community in a bizarre and lifechanging format, eating CBC lunches everyday for more days than most get to, answering my rona phone to love songs from the boys in the yard. hockey in rockyford, being the daughter of a rodeo cowboy, riding a horse daily, farm chores, riding the bus 3+ hours per day, visiting the city on rare occasions.
i love living life, the randomness that it entails, i love going with the flow, having no unrelenting ties to anyone place, being able to let my gypsy feet dance on the whims that come their way. but i'm growing older, i'm craving more stability, more assuredness that i am in a place that i can uphold on my own in life. i'm wanting to develop strong, lasting, deeply rooted relationships, to become the woman i want to be when i grow up, not just wait for her to arrive. i think it's a good thing to be coming to this place, but its also scary. i've lived a life of little permanence, until i bought a car, i had nothing permanent that tied me to a person or place or thing, but i am tied to my well loved jeep, financially bound in obligation to it, there are people who make me want to stay in one place, to continue to invest in relationship with them. it's terrifying to grow up, i'm realizing, but it's also beautiful. i'm glad for the life i've been so blessed to lead thus far, and i'm excited for all that is still coming.
never the less, its a strange life place to be.
i love living life, the randomness that it entails, i love going with the flow, having no unrelenting ties to anyone place, being able to let my gypsy feet dance on the whims that come their way. but i'm growing older, i'm craving more stability, more assuredness that i am in a place that i can uphold on my own in life. i'm wanting to develop strong, lasting, deeply rooted relationships, to become the woman i want to be when i grow up, not just wait for her to arrive. i think it's a good thing to be coming to this place, but its also scary. i've lived a life of little permanence, until i bought a car, i had nothing permanent that tied me to a person or place or thing, but i am tied to my well loved jeep, financially bound in obligation to it, there are people who make me want to stay in one place, to continue to invest in relationship with them. it's terrifying to grow up, i'm realizing, but it's also beautiful. i'm glad for the life i've been so blessed to lead thus far, and i'm excited for all that is still coming.
never the less, its a strange life place to be.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
i am
i am alot of things. i'm a girl, a girl who never uses capitals when writing colloquially, a student who never sticks with formal studies, a farm child who lives in the city. i'm the culmination of all my life experiences, the tragedies and moments of utter euphoria. we each are, there is a justification based on our life experiences for nearly every moment of our days, but that's a dignity i don't extend to other's as often as i ought.
if i hate driving in the city, because i have never known 'rush hour' before, and i despise it's reality in my life, what's to say that the aggressive driver to my right doesnt have an equally intrinsic reason for how he mans his vehicle? i am not picky to the point that i'm worse than a picky person, and i know it's annoying, but i can't seem to help it, but i'm the middle child of 5, i'm the peace maker, i hate conflict, so not having an opinion has always been safer. our personality and character are a direct result of our life experiences, its so simple, and i know it is true for me, so why, when i'm annoyed by another, do i not stop to wonder what caused this trait to take root in their life? the more i invest in another persons story, the more i understand why they are the way they are, the less the little nuances of their personality are an annoyance to me, they are a reminder to me that we are each created uniquely, that we are woven together with cords of different lengths and textures and colors. we may have encountered a similar spot in our individual stories, or even shared a corporate experience, but how that shaped us is not necessarily the same, how it has manifested itself in and thru us, may look incredibly different. i need to realize this, i need to allow this to take root in me, in my mind, in my heart.
if i expect others to not just take all of me at face value, there is absolutely no excuse for me to anticipate that others are less complex. we may be living a genuine life, but living a genuine life doesnt mean that we get to hand each individual we encounter a manuscript of our life story, so that they understand the motive and history behind our every action. this is clearly not a reality. this has been on my mind alot lately, if i claim to care about other people, if i claim to want to react to others in the manner that Jesus did, then i need to start to consciously realize that everyone has a story, a story that they almost certainly do not present in its entirety from the outset.
i am humbled by how incredibly short i fall, and yet i know that as i realize my shortcomings, He is rejoicing over me with His love, as i take the steps toward being more like the model of His son that i see presented to me. His grace astounds me. i pray it astounds you today as well.
i don't know if this makes any sense at all, but it's been on my heart alot lately, and thus it's fairly stream of conscience, muddled and the like, but i make no apologies. i'm introspective, self depreciating, yet selfish... aren't all 'bloggers'? ha.
if i hate driving in the city, because i have never known 'rush hour' before, and i despise it's reality in my life, what's to say that the aggressive driver to my right doesnt have an equally intrinsic reason for how he mans his vehicle? i am not picky to the point that i'm worse than a picky person, and i know it's annoying, but i can't seem to help it, but i'm the middle child of 5, i'm the peace maker, i hate conflict, so not having an opinion has always been safer. our personality and character are a direct result of our life experiences, its so simple, and i know it is true for me, so why, when i'm annoyed by another, do i not stop to wonder what caused this trait to take root in their life? the more i invest in another persons story, the more i understand why they are the way they are, the less the little nuances of their personality are an annoyance to me, they are a reminder to me that we are each created uniquely, that we are woven together with cords of different lengths and textures and colors. we may have encountered a similar spot in our individual stories, or even shared a corporate experience, but how that shaped us is not necessarily the same, how it has manifested itself in and thru us, may look incredibly different. i need to realize this, i need to allow this to take root in me, in my mind, in my heart.
if i expect others to not just take all of me at face value, there is absolutely no excuse for me to anticipate that others are less complex. we may be living a genuine life, but living a genuine life doesnt mean that we get to hand each individual we encounter a manuscript of our life story, so that they understand the motive and history behind our every action. this is clearly not a reality. this has been on my mind alot lately, if i claim to care about other people, if i claim to want to react to others in the manner that Jesus did, then i need to start to consciously realize that everyone has a story, a story that they almost certainly do not present in its entirety from the outset.
i am humbled by how incredibly short i fall, and yet i know that as i realize my shortcomings, He is rejoicing over me with His love, as i take the steps toward being more like the model of His son that i see presented to me. His grace astounds me. i pray it astounds you today as well.
i don't know if this makes any sense at all, but it's been on my heart alot lately, and thus it's fairly stream of conscience, muddled and the like, but i make no apologies. i'm introspective, self depreciating, yet selfish... aren't all 'bloggers'? ha.
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