tradition... (and other things)

In my head, the word tradition always sounds like it's being sung by Tevye on Fiddler on the Roof. Beauty!
I think that, obviously after the story central to Christmas, and it's reason for being, my favorite element of the holidays is tradition. The traditions that my family have are something that I delight in, and love experiencing year after year. Traditions are a wonderful thing, there is something intangible about those moments of repetitious behavior that bonds us together. For example, every Christmas morning we have my mom's 'easy cinnamon buns' and orange juice and sing happy birthday to Jesus. Silly? yes. But do I love it? absolutely.
My best Christmas story from this year:
My oldest sister is 7 months pregnant and currently on bedrest. She has a 3 year old, Owen. Saturday, my sister was staying at her mom's house, and Steve had Owen at his house. Steve needed a shower, so he left the door opening, figuring he could avoid any disasters. When he came out, he found that Owen had unwrapped every single gift under the tree. Every single one. And when Steve asked Owen why he had made that choice, Owen just looked up at him and said "But Daddy, it's Christmas time".
Isn't that wonderful? haha. I love it. So Steve rewrapped all of the gifts, and that story will live on for a long time to come.

And so it goes...

I'm having a hard time remebering that Christmas is a mere 2 weeks away. Less than 2 weeks away now, infact. Between now and then I have a few dozen hours of work at my two jobs, 5 exams, 2 final projects, 2 Saturdays of family affairs, a room that NEEDS reorganizing, and an immune system to kick into gear. It's not easy to remember all the mystery and wonder that fills this time of year, rather, it's far easier to get caught up in the school and work and familial obligations and gift buying and cleaning and decorating... but if I focus on those things, I do the greatest dis-service to myself. I'm the one who loses on all that He wishes to teach me in this season, I'll be the one who loses the wonder and mystery of Christmas morning for myself, the joy of remembering what it is exactly the Baby Jesus was born to do... so tonight, I'm remembering to remember, and while I'm at it, I figure one or two of you out there could use the reminder too.
Oh, and if you have the best dad gift ever idea, or even a half-assed one, please pass it along. I'm in dire need of inspiration...

decimate your inhibitions

somedays you get knocked to your knees, and when you're there, all you can do is pray. do you ever watch the news? read the papers? look at the people walking in your world? when i take the time to notice the people in my life, my heart starts to break, and when i start to think of all the pain and suffering in the world, my knees go weak. in this season of celebration, of love and family, of hope and joy, i wonder what my responsibility is in this world. it's certainly not in consumerism and ensuring my gift-wish-list truly encompasses all that i 'need' but cannot afford for myself. but it is in loving others, in caring for others, in allowing hope and joy to be evident in me.
i'm not to sure what that looks like, but i'm pretty sure that it doesn't look much like my life, and i'm pretty sure i'll never get it just right, which means i ought never to stop trying. trying to be better, to love better, to serve better, to give better... i so long to radiate with joy and love, to spread beauty where i go, to make the heart of my maker smile, knowing that i am bringing love and light and laughter to the lives of others. i long for that. and yet, i am bound, bound by what is expected of me, bound by who i am known to be, and what i believe i can and cannot accomplish. i am inhibited by my personal perceptions of who i am, by what i believe others percieve me to be, by the roles i feel define my personhood in my current context... and why do i allow these things to bind me?
if i believe that my hope and joy and love and peace are in striving to be more Jesus like, then i ought not to be bound by these things. i should do what i believe right, in each situation, but i often do not. these very things that bind me in a place of complacency are those things that keep me 'safe', that define me to my peers, that grant me acceptance in my context, that allow me to go without attracting overt negative attention. and so i allow them to bind me, and perhaps even find solace in their strongholds. what would it take to decimate these inhibitions? to be set free? nothing but the blood of Jesus, I am sure.
oh that i were faithful enough to trust...

j'adore la neige

however, there are aspects that come with the snow and freezing that i do not enjoy. mostly just two, how bitterly cold it truly can be, and the drivers. why is it that all of a sudden, when there is even a promise of snow in the air, people forget everything they ever learned about driving, and proceed to assume that the rest of us on the road have a death wish? i do not enjoy this. edmonton is famously horrendous for their winter drivers, and as the snow continues to fall, i understand how their reputation came to be. in truth, it's a disaster out there, and if i survive the winter with the jeep in tact, i will view this winter lived as a rousing success!
and now, to balance out my whining, the reasons why winter makes me smile. my mom makes home made apple cider and lets it simmer on the stove, filling our home with a delightful aroma, and my tummy with warm goodness. christmas trees and christmas lights. bundling up to go outside, i love winter clothes and mittens and ski pants and frolicking around in the snow. sledding and snowangel making. toques. rosy cheeks. and possibly most of all, skating.
enjoy the winter out there, the holidays are coming! drive safe, and pay extra attention to all the other people on the roads too!

Words Unspoken

My facebook status currently reads "Katie is full of words unspoken". Those words unspoken are bouncing round my head, they were supposed to be spoken, they were selected carefully, thought about with honesty and vulnerability, and ready for sharing. Their receiving party knew they were coming, and yet, factors arose causing the conversation in which these words were meant to be released to not take place. So the words are all still bouncing around in my head, they are not light, carefree words, rather they are intentional, weighted words, holding potential for various outcomes, and requiring not just receipt, but discussion. Today, I was prepared for that discussion, and now I am suspended in uncertainty, second guessing the things I had wanted to say, wondering whether or not they are truly warranted, questioning if this is fate telling me I ought not speak these words. I just don't know. And so I do not sleep, this conversation will be had tonight, a hundred times, inside my head, perhaps by mornings light I will better know which of these words unspoken need to find their voice, and which are best left to dwell in the confines of my head and heart.
So tonight, I lie awake, words unspoken bouncing 'round my head, silence sitting oppressively between these walls around me, all is dark, save this laptops glow, and so I tell the words to the One who is with me always, I seek His truth, His wisdom, His patience, and I hope that perchance tomorrow these harbored things will find a voice, and a gentle place of rest. Until then, I shall hope sleep is coming more swiftly to you than it is to me this late November's night.
May it be with you as it was always intended...

The Puck Drop

I guess it's high time I join this world of blogging. I feel very un-covenant in not having one, and so I join those of you who are here, in this pseudo community experience. Can I say pseudo and not be too harsh? I hope so, because I'm doing it. Being a long ways from most of you, I'm confident no powerbombs will be directed at my head for any crazy things that I may spew here, so I feel safe in that.
And so, cheers to you, and if you're in Manitoba, the prefered response would be the raising of a FGD, and if you're anywhere else, whatever you have will do...