what i miss the most

i loved living in winnipeg. i am absolutely a farm girl, and i ache for the open fields and 4-legged companions i've always known. there are pieces of my heart spread all over the place, in different towns, in different churches and schools and on a certain lake in central AB. but more than anything, i miss Strathmore.
it's bizarre to be here, at 22, and wonder if the best job I will ever have has already ended. I absolutely loved my work for CBC, it so well suited my gifts, my passions, my heart. I loved conversing with people all over North America on a daily basis, I enjoyed the relationships I established with the students who were so much more than just a picture on my potential student board. We had a phenomenal team, even as it changed and evolved, i was humbled by those whose offices shared the same halls as mine, i was encouraged and loved and mentored daily. There was an encouragement to embrace the relationships i had established, and i was always having coffee with current students, or having them over to hang out in my basement. i had incredible roommates, and our house had the most fantastic kitchen i have ever known. it was a pleasure to bake in there! we had weekly CBC-I meetings, secretively titled 'economic summits' where we sat round with Rocky's Donuts and coffee and talked about our lives, and our ministry, and always closed in beautiful moments of corporate prayer. there was a great legacy to the ministry we were invested in, and there were always students interested in what we did and who we were. i miss my 'american accent', phone calls from Opal, understanding and relating so well to Shauna, having an office with a window seat, Jo's soups, coffee with the staff at 10 and hearing daily worship at 11am.
i know God has a plan and a purpose for my life, but for the last 13+ months, i've struggled with this. accepting the demise of CBC has long since happened for me, learning to maintain my relationships in a different way has slowly worked itself out, i'm happy and content in Edmonton. but there is an ache in me, an ache for that sense of purpose, of knowing that work i'm doing is important. but i am coming to see this as a good thing too, with it comes a drive not to settle for mediocrity, to discover venues where I am thru which i can be of benefit to Kingdom work.
even still, there are days, like today, when i wonder if the best job i will already have was the one that lasted for 16 months, and started a week after my 20th birthday. and, if it did, i am ever so incredibly blessed so have had those 16 months, to have shared my days with those people. And on days like to day, i'm glad for that emotional, and to be honest slightly awkward meeting at the final commencement, and the CBC board who presented us each resolutions. i will always carry inside of me that desire to be more, to do more, to work for and with a purpose, and for that i am deeply appreciative.
i know i'm convoluted. i imagine most of this doesnt make sense, but kristina said i suck for not updating, and this is what has been on my mind today, as i go about exam week, and study my hours away.