yesterday i rode in a cattle drive for two of my closest alberta-friends. Cali and Eric were moving their cows 20 kms on horseback, and kindly requested that i ride with them, in total there were 12 wrangles herding the cattle for 20 kilometres. it was 30 degrees out yesterday, today i am red like a lobster, but man, i had pretty much the best may long weekend of all time! we took alot of breaks, considering that it was so darn hot, and we had a lot of cow/calf pairs in our herd. we crossed 2 highways, and only 1 driver got mad at us. we had several farmers stop and offer to hire us to move their cows. and then when we got to the pasture, we camped out for the night, swam in the dug out, and had some good times.
it's day like these that make me oh-so-glad to be an alberta farm girl. even the white rein-lines on my burnt hands can not bring me down! and now i'm off to work.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Mystery and Majesty
and so i contemplate the mystery and the majesty of all that You have done for me...
there are days, too infrequent in my life, when I'm knocked to my knees, and once I'm there, all I can do is seek the heart of one who has given me life.
God is gracious beyond my comprehension, and the way in which He continues to seek me, even while I am seeking my own selfish endeavors, astounds me. It's hard, impossible in fact, to see myself as God sees me, to hold in balance my gifts and talents and shortcomings and failures and sins and gifts with any sense of objectivity. I'm underwhelmed by the positive and overwhelmed by the negative. But He, He sees it all, and still chooses to love me, to desire my servanthood, to use me in His work, and that blows me away. How He is somehow able to to portray His love and grace thru the broken vessle that I am is something I'm having difficulty reconciling, it's certainly humbling, and at the same time, exhilirating.
I don't know what the point of this rambling is, but I'm excited. I'm excited about God and the work He is doing around me, and sometimes, somehow, thru me. There is something about the potential in life, the grace I have been extended, that makes me want to bask in the love of my maker, but then quickly send that out to others. I love ministry.
there are days, too infrequent in my life, when I'm knocked to my knees, and once I'm there, all I can do is seek the heart of one who has given me life.
God is gracious beyond my comprehension, and the way in which He continues to seek me, even while I am seeking my own selfish endeavors, astounds me. It's hard, impossible in fact, to see myself as God sees me, to hold in balance my gifts and talents and shortcomings and failures and sins and gifts with any sense of objectivity. I'm underwhelmed by the positive and overwhelmed by the negative. But He, He sees it all, and still chooses to love me, to desire my servanthood, to use me in His work, and that blows me away. How He is somehow able to to portray His love and grace thru the broken vessle that I am is something I'm having difficulty reconciling, it's certainly humbling, and at the same time, exhilirating.
I don't know what the point of this rambling is, but I'm excited. I'm excited about God and the work He is doing around me, and sometimes, somehow, thru me. There is something about the potential in life, the grace I have been extended, that makes me want to bask in the love of my maker, but then quickly send that out to others. I love ministry.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
an inch and a half
so, i'm a how-to-person. yep, i work at RONA.
i've had 1 8.5-hour shift, and i'm already being fast tracked as a headcashier and have been offered to advance to 2 departments, offered the position of personal assistant to the manager and been told that i'll be moving to contractor sales as soon as cash has more staff. it's good to be friendly and useful, i'm learning evermore.
i'm pretty sure that, once again, this is going to be a job that has daily stories rich in humour, especially if the dirtyoldmen are all as bold as the ones i met today. my favorite day1 story is as follows (Gav, i'm so writing this for your laughter.)
This old man is buying plywood, and the stickers are conveniently on the bottom of the stack of 10 sheets, so i measure the first sheet so i can look up the code, as i do so, i say aloud, as its easier for me to remember if i say something, ' an inch and a half' the old man, not skipping a beat, looks at me, and says 'little lady i'll show you an inch and a half...' oh man. i didn't know whether to laugh or run away in fear, so i shook my head, made some remark about having worked with welders so his humour was nothing new to me, and went on my merry way. and then, as i was musing on this story, i realized the incredible humour in what he said. an inch and a half, did he actually say that? oh man. i want that moment back. but then again, i'd rather have the job, so it's probably best i was tongue tied.
i've had 1 8.5-hour shift, and i'm already being fast tracked as a headcashier and have been offered to advance to 2 departments, offered the position of personal assistant to the manager and been told that i'll be moving to contractor sales as soon as cash has more staff. it's good to be friendly and useful, i'm learning evermore.
i'm pretty sure that, once again, this is going to be a job that has daily stories rich in humour, especially if the dirtyoldmen are all as bold as the ones i met today. my favorite day1 story is as follows (Gav, i'm so writing this for your laughter.)
This old man is buying plywood, and the stickers are conveniently on the bottom of the stack of 10 sheets, so i measure the first sheet so i can look up the code, as i do so, i say aloud, as its easier for me to remember if i say something, ' an inch and a half' the old man, not skipping a beat, looks at me, and says 'little lady i'll show you an inch and a half...' oh man. i didn't know whether to laugh or run away in fear, so i shook my head, made some remark about having worked with welders so his humour was nothing new to me, and went on my merry way. and then, as i was musing on this story, i realized the incredible humour in what he said. an inch and a half, did he actually say that? oh man. i want that moment back. but then again, i'd rather have the job, so it's probably best i was tongue tied.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
selfish
driving is cathartic for me. it has been that way for most of my life, i used to ride the bus over 3 hours each school day, and once i began driving, i drove almost an hour each way to get to school, work, church, etc. in this, i became a friend with silence, i knew the roads i traveled with an intimacy only those who drive the same long stretch for many years understand. and so, driving became the time of day i spent thinking and praying. i passed the same fields, the same houses, the same farm animals every day. and i loved the familiarity as much as i loved the hours of introspection each day granted.
i now live in a world where school is 8 minutes from home, church is barely 15 and work is in my house or 20 minutes away. i miss the cathartic driving experiences, the way that the hay bales and fields full of cattle lulled me into deep thought. thus, i've had to adjust to the visually and auditorially (i think i just created that word, deal with it) loud world i live in, and find my way to introspection here. it hasn't been easy, but it has been found, for which i'm greatful.
nevertheless, on days like today, i wish my teensy tiny little older-than-me red and rust colored suzuki forsca was still running, so we could travel those roads again, with some freshly brewed kickass in hand, and the catharsis could begin.
life is not easy, but it's sure as smack worthwhile. i wish i could see clearly the woman, the person, God is calling me to be, and embrace her, live into all she is created to be. but i'm not seeing her right now, i'm seeing the pieces that don't seem to fit, but can't seem to figure out what should be in their place. but more and more i'm feeling discontent with where i am and who i am and it scares me. i want to do this easy thing, the easy school, the easy life. but i don't think it's where i'm supposed to be, and that's not a pleasant feeling. and i have a sinking feeling that it's the life i keep avoiding coming back to stake it's claim on me once again, which i sincerely do not appreciate. i want to do the easy thing, not the right thing. i want to be selfish. and i don't want to go thru another change. but then i wonder, have i only gone thru so much change because i'm being disobedient and that's why i am always left, eventually, in a place of discontent?
if obedience didn't require sacrifice it wouldn't be worth it. but dang, i'm selfish.
i now live in a world where school is 8 minutes from home, church is barely 15 and work is in my house or 20 minutes away. i miss the cathartic driving experiences, the way that the hay bales and fields full of cattle lulled me into deep thought. thus, i've had to adjust to the visually and auditorially (i think i just created that word, deal with it) loud world i live in, and find my way to introspection here. it hasn't been easy, but it has been found, for which i'm greatful.
nevertheless, on days like today, i wish my teensy tiny little older-than-me red and rust colored suzuki forsca was still running, so we could travel those roads again, with some freshly brewed kickass in hand, and the catharsis could begin.
life is not easy, but it's sure as smack worthwhile. i wish i could see clearly the woman, the person, God is calling me to be, and embrace her, live into all she is created to be. but i'm not seeing her right now, i'm seeing the pieces that don't seem to fit, but can't seem to figure out what should be in their place. but more and more i'm feeling discontent with where i am and who i am and it scares me. i want to do this easy thing, the easy school, the easy life. but i don't think it's where i'm supposed to be, and that's not a pleasant feeling. and i have a sinking feeling that it's the life i keep avoiding coming back to stake it's claim on me once again, which i sincerely do not appreciate. i want to do the easy thing, not the right thing. i want to be selfish. and i don't want to go thru another change. but then i wonder, have i only gone thru so much change because i'm being disobedient and that's why i am always left, eventually, in a place of discontent?
if obedience didn't require sacrifice it wouldn't be worth it. but dang, i'm selfish.
Friday, April 25, 2008
things
i'm finally free of school, and the thoughts that are filling my head to day are entirely different, they are thoughts of the things i love and enjoy and thrive off of. and thus, i've decided to list a select few of them here for you to read, and i'm going to be honest about it too. this is the no-holds-barred list of things i love:
the scent of vanilla
vanilla earl grey tea mistos
throwback jerseys
cruel girl jeans
the feeling of a brand new hoodie
freshly shaved legs
cocoa butter lotion
hockey and football
my jeep
pickup trucks
horse back riding
bale tag
maple walnut icecream
black coffee
grey's anatomy
jewelry
reef flip flops
cute heels
finding cute shirts that actually fit well
two stepping
when people look me in the eyes
looking at and experiencing art
music
rockband
FGD
reading
feeling challenged and inspired
working thru the mac list my own way
eating breakfast out
lilies
my nose piercing
...
this is my list. you should make one too. it makes you feel good about life.
the scent of vanilla
vanilla earl grey tea mistos
throwback jerseys
cruel girl jeans
the feeling of a brand new hoodie
freshly shaved legs
cocoa butter lotion
hockey and football
my jeep
pickup trucks
horse back riding
bale tag
maple walnut icecream
black coffee
grey's anatomy
jewelry
reef flip flops
cute heels
finding cute shirts that actually fit well
two stepping
when people look me in the eyes
looking at and experiencing art
music
rockband
FGD
reading
feeling challenged and inspired
working thru the mac list my own way
eating breakfast out
lilies
my nose piercing
...
this is my list. you should make one too. it makes you feel good about life.
Monday, April 21, 2008
what i miss the most
i loved living in winnipeg. i am absolutely a farm girl, and i ache for the open fields and 4-legged companions i've always known. there are pieces of my heart spread all over the place, in different towns, in different churches and schools and on a certain lake in central AB. but more than anything, i miss Strathmore.
it's bizarre to be here, at 22, and wonder if the best job I will ever have has already ended. I absolutely loved my work for CBC, it so well suited my gifts, my passions, my heart. I loved conversing with people all over North America on a daily basis, I enjoyed the relationships I established with the students who were so much more than just a picture on my potential student board. We had a phenomenal team, even as it changed and evolved, i was humbled by those whose offices shared the same halls as mine, i was encouraged and loved and mentored daily. There was an encouragement to embrace the relationships i had established, and i was always having coffee with current students, or having them over to hang out in my basement. i had incredible roommates, and our house had the most fantastic kitchen i have ever known. it was a pleasure to bake in there! we had weekly CBC-I meetings, secretively titled 'economic summits' where we sat round with Rocky's Donuts and coffee and talked about our lives, and our ministry, and always closed in beautiful moments of corporate prayer. there was a great legacy to the ministry we were invested in, and there were always students interested in what we did and who we were. i miss my 'american accent', phone calls from Opal, understanding and relating so well to Shauna, having an office with a window seat, Jo's soups, coffee with the staff at 10 and hearing daily worship at 11am.
i know God has a plan and a purpose for my life, but for the last 13+ months, i've struggled with this. accepting the demise of CBC has long since happened for me, learning to maintain my relationships in a different way has slowly worked itself out, i'm happy and content in Edmonton. but there is an ache in me, an ache for that sense of purpose, of knowing that work i'm doing is important. but i am coming to see this as a good thing too, with it comes a drive not to settle for mediocrity, to discover venues where I am thru which i can be of benefit to Kingdom work.
even still, there are days, like today, when i wonder if the best job i will already have was the one that lasted for 16 months, and started a week after my 20th birthday. and, if it did, i am ever so incredibly blessed so have had those 16 months, to have shared my days with those people. And on days like to day, i'm glad for that emotional, and to be honest slightly awkward meeting at the final commencement, and the CBC board who presented us each resolutions. i will always carry inside of me that desire to be more, to do more, to work for and with a purpose, and for that i am deeply appreciative.
i know i'm convoluted. i imagine most of this doesnt make sense, but kristina said i suck for not updating, and this is what has been on my mind today, as i go about exam week, and study my hours away.
it's bizarre to be here, at 22, and wonder if the best job I will ever have has already ended. I absolutely loved my work for CBC, it so well suited my gifts, my passions, my heart. I loved conversing with people all over North America on a daily basis, I enjoyed the relationships I established with the students who were so much more than just a picture on my potential student board. We had a phenomenal team, even as it changed and evolved, i was humbled by those whose offices shared the same halls as mine, i was encouraged and loved and mentored daily. There was an encouragement to embrace the relationships i had established, and i was always having coffee with current students, or having them over to hang out in my basement. i had incredible roommates, and our house had the most fantastic kitchen i have ever known. it was a pleasure to bake in there! we had weekly CBC-I meetings, secretively titled 'economic summits' where we sat round with Rocky's Donuts and coffee and talked about our lives, and our ministry, and always closed in beautiful moments of corporate prayer. there was a great legacy to the ministry we were invested in, and there were always students interested in what we did and who we were. i miss my 'american accent', phone calls from Opal, understanding and relating so well to Shauna, having an office with a window seat, Jo's soups, coffee with the staff at 10 and hearing daily worship at 11am.
i know God has a plan and a purpose for my life, but for the last 13+ months, i've struggled with this. accepting the demise of CBC has long since happened for me, learning to maintain my relationships in a different way has slowly worked itself out, i'm happy and content in Edmonton. but there is an ache in me, an ache for that sense of purpose, of knowing that work i'm doing is important. but i am coming to see this as a good thing too, with it comes a drive not to settle for mediocrity, to discover venues where I am thru which i can be of benefit to Kingdom work.
even still, there are days, like today, when i wonder if the best job i will already have was the one that lasted for 16 months, and started a week after my 20th birthday. and, if it did, i am ever so incredibly blessed so have had those 16 months, to have shared my days with those people. And on days like to day, i'm glad for that emotional, and to be honest slightly awkward meeting at the final commencement, and the CBC board who presented us each resolutions. i will always carry inside of me that desire to be more, to do more, to work for and with a purpose, and for that i am deeply appreciative.
i know i'm convoluted. i imagine most of this doesnt make sense, but kristina said i suck for not updating, and this is what has been on my mind today, as i go about exam week, and study my hours away.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
tonight
tonight i went quadding thru 4 different sections of field. and it was epic. the stars were bright, the ground was hard, the creeks were frozen. and it was glorious.
i love moments like that, in the midst of ridiculously busy weeks, to disappear to the middle of nowhere and let some energy loose in the middle of silence. it's lovely. we turned the engine off and sat up on a creek bank, just watching the stars. it's good to be reminded that the world is so much bigger than i allow it to be most days, and that there is much beauty around me, when i let myself notice it. outside is good for my soul. catwalking up hills is a good stress reliever.
yeah.
i love moments like that, in the midst of ridiculously busy weeks, to disappear to the middle of nowhere and let some energy loose in the middle of silence. it's lovely. we turned the engine off and sat up on a creek bank, just watching the stars. it's good to be reminded that the world is so much bigger than i allow it to be most days, and that there is much beauty around me, when i let myself notice it. outside is good for my soul. catwalking up hills is a good stress reliever.
yeah.
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